Living Without

What are the things you want most in life but feel you are living without? I overhear people talk about wanting that new designer purse, buying the latest alternative fuel sports car (costing over $100,000), or taking that fabulous vacation with the family. What is it that you cannot live without?  What would make your life so complete that happiness and bliss are with you all the time?

I am living without the one person that I have loved the most in my life.  Yes, I love my children and that love cannot be matched.  Even though I do not have the love of my life, I do not live without love.  I am so blessed to have support in my life of my children, my family, my community and mostly my friends.  I have to thank those that are always with me to listen to my whining when I feel I lack something.  I thank those that love me with all my warts, bad habits, and short temper. I thank the friend that moved my old printer from the third floor to my van.  I thank the friend that bought me a ticket to the movies because I was running late.  I thank the friends that sat with me after surgery to be sure I would be OK.  I am most thankful for those ladies that walk with me and talk with me on a weekly basis.  It is great for the body and the soul.  And that one special friend that helped me understand that I have this love in my life because I am sharing that love first. 

I realized this past week that we have passed the mark where my youngest daughter, Katie, has now lived more of her life without her father than the time with him. It has been five and half years and Katie was five years and five months old when Peter died.  That realization impacts me more than it does her because she only knows this life.  My oldest child, Emma, said recently something that helped me realize how the kids view this loss.  She said, "It is not that I miss having Daddy not being a part of my life now, but that I feel bad that he is the one missing out." It was such an insightful and smart thing for her to say. 

A few years ago, I helped facilitate a book study at church, and asked a very important question at one session as we were discussing the death of my husband and my best friend.  "Think of the worst thing that can happen in your life."  As I looked around I could see that each person was thinking of their worst nightmare.  I know they were envisioning the loss of their spouse or a child.  But what I said next had the most impact, "Now imagine you have lost your faith!"